


Steadying Hands, Shaking Breaths

by Fangirlshrewt97



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, Panic Attack, Post-Fullmetal Alchemist (2003), Whump, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 12:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20866550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlshrewt97/pseuds/Fangirlshrewt97
Summary: A visit to his childhood home brings Al back to the memories of the fateful day that changed his life and led him to lose his brother.Whumptober prompt #1: Shaky hands





	Steadying Hands, Shaking Breaths

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone,
> 
> This is my first fic in a few months, and it is not beta-read, so I apologize for any grammatical errors or plot holes I may have missed. I thought I'd try to give Whumptober a try this year, so here is my (hopefully) first fic, for the prompt "Shaky hands".
> 
> This happens post the 2003 anime, where Ed has been transported to the alternate dimension. It has been a long while since I saw the anime though, so I apologize if I got the timeframe wrong. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, and if you do, please let me know what you liked or just general thoughts on the fic, or just leave kudos!
> 
> Fangirlshrewt97

Alphonse took a deep breath to steady his hands, clenching them into fists for good measure. Slowly exhaling, he took the key from his pocket again and put it against the keyhole, the key finally sliding into place this time. With just a little bit of resistance, the lock clicked, and the door swung open with a creek from being shut for so long.

From beside him, Winry took his free hand, giving it a squeeze. “I’m right here Al. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. And if you do, you absolutely are not going to do it alone.”

Al half-nodded, gaze still fixed on the dark entrance, the little bit of light that slipped past him illuminating dusty wooden floors. “I don’t think I have a choice Winry.”

Winry squeezed his hand again, “Al…”

“We should get this over with right? Just go in there and check for the books. There’s nothing… it’s not a big deal.” Al said, trying to sound brave and fooling no one.

Winry’s free hand came up to lightly rest two fingertips on Al’s cheek, putting the slightest pressure to get those golden eyes to look at her. She felt like her heart was being crushed within her chest as she saw the pain and desperation hidden behind the veneer of false bravado. She tried to keep the pity out of her face, but she probably failed if the quick turn of Al’s head out of her grasp was any indication.

“Come on.” Al choked out before taking a step inside his childhood home for the first time in nearly 4 years. Slipping his hand out of hers, he pushed the door open wider and surveyed the room. It was exactly as they had left it, though that was to be expected. There still seemed to be a faint smell of burnt flesh that Al had hoped would have dissipated by now but it seemed the scent of that night had seeped into the walls of this house the same way the memories of that night had seeped into his bones.

He took another steadying breath, making sure to avoid looking at the pictures in the wall, and headed straight for the room where his life had been changed forever.

That room’s door was also locked, almost mocking him, daring him to open it, to reopen the evil inside there, to unlock all the memories he had managed to convince himself to forget. He stopped when he was in front of the door, taking deep breaths. The smell was stronger here, more pungent, almost as vivid as that night. Taking deep breaths just made the memories come on faster, and it was only Winry pushing him back against the opposite wall that finally returned him to the present. As he came back to himself, he realized his whole body was shaking, not just his hands, and his vision was swimming even as he blinked to clear it, and his breaths were harsh and discordant in that graveyard silent house.

Winry was saying something, and it took Al some concentrating to make out the words “-need to say something! Al! Please say something!”

“Winry…” Al said, although it came out more like an unsteady whisper.

“Oh thank god, are you alright? Al?” Winry said, stepping closer, blocking his view of everything but her.

“I…I don’t know.”

Winry frowned, deep lines appearing between her eyebrows, before she made a decision and nodded to herself before grabbing Al by the elbow and dragging him behind her with enough force he had no option but to follow or risk falling on his face.

Winry dragged him outside, only stopping when they were almost at the garden’s entrance, making Al sit back against the tree.

“Wait here, I will go see if the book is there.”

“You don’t even know what book I need.”

“Al, I will bring out every book in that house if I need to but there is no way I am letting you go back in there. Do you understand?”

“Win-”

“Do you understand?” The tone left no tone for argument, which was just as well, since Al felt a bone-deep weariness set in.

“Yes.”

“Good.” Winry bit her lip, glancing back at the house before turning to him, “Just wait here. I’ll be back soon.”

As Winry made her way back into the Elric house, Al leaned his head back, closing his eyes and letting his ears take over. If he concentrated, he could hear the two lovebirds a couple trees over singing to each other, the rustle of leaves as a mild breeze made its way past him. Very faintly, he heard crunching rocks, probably walking towards the village.

It must have been only five or so minutes since Winry left before Al heard the main door creek as it was pushed open again. Opening his eyes, he saw Winry juggling four tomes in her hands as she made her way over to him. Gently setting the books in front of him, she knelt in the grass.

“Are these the right ones?”

Al didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. That was the question of the year wasn’t it. Were these the books that could bring his brother back from that infernal other dimension? Did they hold the secret that the countless books in Central did not? Could the answer to bringing back yet another one of his family lie in the same books that ruined his life for so many years?

“I’m not sure.” He finally gasped, vision blurring as tears appeared in his eyes.

“Oh, Al, please look at me.”

But Al didn’t think he could bear to see another look of pity, especially not from Winry.

She didn’t let his silence deter her though, moving to crouch beside him, cupping his face with both her hands and tugging so he looked up. She didn’t look at him with pity, small mercies he supposed, but that worry was no foreign yet familiar in her eyes. She had always been their north, their home after their mission was supposed to be complete. All he saw in her eyes were the same sadness, no, loneliness he saw in his own eyes when he could bring himself to look in the mirror these days.

“Whatever it takes, however long it takes, I promise you, I will help you bring our Ed back home. We won’t stop, not until we have travelled to every inch of this world, tried every possible solution ok. I know, I know in my bones, and in my heart that Ed is alive, and he is trying just as hard to make his way back home to us. I know this. And you do too. Please don’t forget that.”

“Winry what if-”

“No. No what ifs Al, we will both go mad if we keep thinking about what ifs. We are bringing him back.” Leaning in, Winry brushed a soft kiss on his forehead before putting hers against his “Ok?”

Taking a shaking breath, Al lifted his hands to cover hers.

“Ok.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to come chat elsewhere, find me on tumblr at fangirlshrewt97.tumblr.com!


End file.
